✞🌿✨ Loving God in the Middle of the Mess ✨🌿✞

 

✞🌿✨Loving God in the Middle of the Mess✨🌿✞

✞ 🌿 🕊 ✨ 🪞 🫀 ✨ 🕊 🌿 ✞

I love God.

Not in a surface way.

Not in a “I say it because I should” way.

I love Him in the quiet moments…

in the desperate ones…

in the ones where I don’t even have the words to pray

but I still look up.

And yet—

I’m still struggling.

Still fighting thoughts I wish would go away.

Still dealing with patterns that don’t line up.

Still having moments where my emotions feel louder than my faith.

And if I’m honest…

sometimes that makes me feel like a contradiction.

✞ 🌿 🕊 ✨ 🪞 🫀 ✨ 🕊 🌿 ✞

Because how do you love God

and still wrestle like this?

How do you care this deeply

and still fall short in the same places?

It makes you question everything.

“Am I doing this wrong?”

“Is something wrong with me?”

“Why hasn’t God just taken this away?”

✞ 🌿 🕊 ✨ 🪞 🫀 ✨ 🕊 🌿 ✞

But then Scripture interrupts that spiral.

Not softly—

clearly.

✨ “For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing.” — Romans 7:19

That wasn’t someone weak.

That was Paul.

Chosen.

Called.

Close to God.

And still… struggling.

✞ 🌿 🕊 ✨ 🪞 🫀 ✨ 🕊 🌿 ✞

So maybe this tension in me—

this back and forth,

this grief over my own behavior,

this constant returning—

isn’t evidence that I’m failing God.

Maybe it’s evidence

that I actually belong to Him.

Because the part of me that’s wrestling

is the part of me that refuses to let go. 🫀

✞ 🌿 🕊 ✨ 🪞 🫀 ✨ 🕊 🌿 ✞

The enemy would love to turn this into shame.

To whisper:

“You’re fake.”

“You’ll never change.”

“God is tired of you.”

But that’s not what God says.

✨ “There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” — Romans 8:1

No condemnation.

Not less condemnation.

Not delayed condemnation.

None.

✞ 🌿 🕊 ✨ 🪞 🫀 ✨ 🕊 🌿 ✞

Conviction draws me closer.

Shame pushes me away.

And God never calls me away from Him.

✨ “Come near to God and He will come near to you.” — James 4:8

Even now.

Even like this.

Even in the middle of the mess.

✞ 🌿 🕊 ✨ 🪞 🫀 ✨ 🕊 🌿 ✞

I’m starting to see something differently—

God is not waiting for me

to get it all together

before He walks with me.

He walks with me while I’m learning.

✨ “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.” — 2 Corinthians 12:9

Not after weakness.

In it.

✞ 🌿 🕊 ✨ 🪞 🫀 ✨ 🕊 🌿 ✞

And maybe loving God in the middle of the mess

doesn’t look like perfection at all.

Maybe it looks like persistence.

Getting back up.

Turning back again.

Refusing to run—even when I want to hide.

✨ “Though the righteous fall seven times, they rise again.” — Proverbs 24:16

Not because they’re strong.

Because they keep coming back.

✞ 🌿 🕊 ✨ 🪞 🫀 ✨ 🕊 🌿 ✞

God already knows every part of me.

The parts I’m proud of.

The parts I’m still trying to understand.

The parts I wish I could fix overnight.

And He didn’t choose me based on a finished version of me.

✨ “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” — Romans 5:8

Not when I got it right.

Not when I cleaned it up.

While I was still in it.

✞ 🌿 🕊 ✨ 🪞 🫀 ✨ 🕊 🌿 ✞

So no—

my struggle doesn’t cancel my love for God.

And my love for God

doesn’t mean I’ll never struggle again.

It means I have somewhere to go

in the middle of it.

✞ 🌿 🕊 ✨ 🪞 🫀 ✨ 🕊 🌿 ✞